Realize there is a Struggle
It would be naïve to believe that counselees will readily do what they are encouraged to do. In the back of their minds, they have a gain-loss scale. They weigh, “What will I gain if I do what I should do or what will I lose if I choose not to do it?” They need encouragement to do the next right thing.
Identify Responsibilities
People are charged in Scripture “If possible, as much as it depends on you (in your circle of responsibility), live peaceably with all men” (Romans 12:18). God gives incredible power to those in a conflict to honestly identify what is happening; assign who is responsible for what; personally assume what responsibility has been assigned; then fulfill what is in their own circle of personal responsibility. God only blesses and empowers the “fulfillers” who do what is in their circle of responsibility (James 1:25).
Motivate to be Responsible
Just identifying a person’s personal responsibility in a conflict does not guarantee they will follow through with it. Your task is to explain the incredible benefits of doing the next right thing in their circle. These benefits will tap into God’s power for personal responsibility. What are those benefits?
Focus
Most counselees have little focus or direction for their lives. Identifying and fulfilling their personal responsibilities will give them specific direction and something to focus on when chaos breaks out around them. They will be able to say, “I know what is the next right thing to do” (Joshua 24:15).
Purpose
One of the major losses experienced by Adam and Eve after they sinned was a loss of purpose in life. Chronic boredom is one of the results of a loss of purpose. When a person clearly identifies their personal responsibility, they can say, “I have something to live for” (Philippians 1:21).
Accomplishment
Counselees often say, “I don’t feel I’m getting anywhere!” If they identify and fulfill what is in their circle of responsibility each day, then they can measure their progress and say, “I feel like I’m getting somewhere.” Each step of doing the right thing is equivalent to passing the next mile marker on a major highway. With the Apostle Paul they can declare, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race (completed all that was in my circle), I have kept the faith” (2 Timothy 4:7)
Security
Most conflicts destabilize a person emotionally and tap into their insecurities. Once they clearly know what to do, instability gives way to solid security. They know what they should do or not do which reduces emotional vacillation and results in greater peace. When they have done what God expects them to do, they can stand in secure peace (Ephesians 6:13b).
Calm
Visualize tension in relationships as two people pulling on a rope in opposite directions. It only takes one person to let go or move forward to reduce tension on the rope. Often when one person in a conflict begins to fulfill what is in their circle of responsibility, it will reduce tension in them whether or not there is a change in the other person. That’s what the Apostle Paul was referring to when he stated, “…as much as it depends on you (your end of the rope), be at peace with all men” (Romans 12:18).
Harmony
Discord is heard in an orchestra when an instrument is not properly tuned to the oboe or the right notes are not played. The counselee’s task is to tune their words, actions and attitudes to God’s word which will greatly increase the possibility of harmony. Their task is to tune their own instrument and play their assigned notes, regardless what others play. Sour notes played by others do not excuse the counselee from staying tuned to God’s word and playing the notes assigned to their instrument (I Peter 3:8.9; Philippians 4:3).
Healing
The power of personal responsibility holds the greatest possibility for healing relationships. When one person acknowledges where they were wrong and confesses it, then it can motivate the other offender to do the same. Jesus taught that whether you offend someone (Matthew 5:23-24) or they offend you (Matthew 18:15-17), it is in your circle of responsibility to go to them and seek to heal the relationship. The Apostle Paul recognized that at the end of this age, people will tend to be irreconcilable (2 Timothy 3:3). But the counselee could lay the groundwork for relational healing if they harness the power of their responsibility and fulfill it.
Witness
People around the world who reject the Christian church tend do so on two grounds; it’s boring and it’s irrelevant. One of the most powerful sources of witness is when a believer puts into practice in his everyday life what he believes. People who are responsible are in great demand. When you fulfill what is legitimately in your circle of responsibility and graciously refuse what’s not in it, unbelievers stand amazed and state, “You really practice your religion, don’t you? “ A responsible person emits a powerful witness (Matthew 5:16).
Anticipation
Each believer is going to stand before God and have all his works judged for the purpose of rewards (2 Corinthians 5:10). Sin will not be the issue here because the blood of Christ has washed it all away (Romans 3:24, 25). But when the believer stands before God, he will only be judged for what he did or did not do in his own circle of responsibility. He will not be held accountable for what others have done in their circles.
A believer who has been a “doer of the word” in his everyday life can anticipate with gladness all that God has in store for him to enjoy forever. After the Apostle Paul affirmed he had fought the good fight, finished his race (circle of responsibility), he then confidently stated, “…there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give to me.” Paul goes on to say, “and not to me only, but also to all who have loved His appearing” (2 Timothy 4:8). The power of personal responsibility, not only can energize the counselee now, but can excite him to anticipate the incredible rewards that he can enjoy forever.
Summary
The power of personal responsibility can:
Keep you focused.
Give you purpose.
Deepen your security.
Calm your emotions.
Establish your witness.
Heal your relationships.
Anticipate your reward.
Chuck Lynch’s book, You Can Work It Out, covers these and many other hard questions based on the principle of personal responsibility. It can be ordered through the Living Foundation Ministries office for $13 each. LFM will cover the shipping and handling (within the U.S.). No proceeds from this book go to the author.
Living Foundation Ministries
611 NW R.D. Mize Rd.
Blue Springs, MO 64014
(816) 229-5000
