Steve's Blog

The Great Eternal Constant

2011-12-27T11:19:00.004-06:00

I really getting a lot from Dr. Neil T. Anderson's daily devotionals from his book Daily In Christ. I'd like to share today's devotion with you.

December 27

THE GREAT ETERNAL CONSTANT

1 John 3:1

See how great a love the Father has bestowed upon us, that we should be called children of God

Have you ever felt that God is ready to give up on you because, instead of walking confidently in faith, you sometimes stumble and fall? Do you ever fear that there is a limit to God's tolerance of your failure and that you are walking dangerously near that outer barrier or have already crossed it? I have met a lot of Christians like that. They think that God is upset with them, that He is ready to dump them, or that He has already given up on them because their daily performance is less than perfect.

It's true that the walk of faith can sometimes be interrupted by moments of personal unbelief or rebellion, or even satanic deception. It's during those moments when we think that God has surely lost His patience with us and is ready to give up on us. The temptation is to give up, stop walking by faith altogether, slump dejectedly by the side of the road, and wonder, "What's the use?" We feel defeated, God's work for us is suspended, and Satan is elated.

The primary truth you need to know about God in order for your faith to remain strong is that His love and acceptance is unconditional. When your walk of faith is strong, God loves you. When your walk of faith is weak, God loves you. When you're strong one moment and weak the next, strong one day and weak the next, God loves you. God's love for you is the great eternal constant in the midst of all the inconsistencies of your daily walk.

God wants us to do good, of course. The apostle John wrote: "I write this to you so that you will not sin" (1 John 2:1 NIV ). But John continued by reminding us that God has already made provision for our failure so His love continues constant in spite of what we do: "But if anybody does sin, we have One who speaks to the Father in our defense--Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world" (verses 1, 2 NIV ).

Prayer: Lord, give me grace to correct my character defects and to help meet the needs of others.

Self-Injury and Psalm 23

2011-11-05T11:51:00.000-05:00

If you know someone who hurts or injures themselves as do I, please read the following...

[from the Association of Biblical Counselors website http://www.christiancounseling.com]

"Self-Injury and Psalm 23

Posted on 11/4/2011 by Jay Younts

One day two parents bring a fragile soul to your office and tell you she has been caught cutting. They want you to help their daughter stop. But as you look at the daughter all you see is painful detachment. She has no real desire to stop cutting as long as the pain within haunts her soul and entices her to seek relief from a razor blade. She knows the cutting is wrong, but she is beyond caring about right and wrong. She will take whatever relief she can get, even if it is only for a few moments, as she is distracted by the pain of the razor and the resulting rush of endorphins. For her, the bottom line is that, for a moment, she is distracted, free from her relational pain.

Self-injury, in its various forms—such as cutting—is an attempt at self-healing. Does that sound like an oxymoron? It should, because it is. But the cutter has a rationale for cutting. Deep within the soul of the cutter, pain and emptiness reign. She feels alone and embittered by the unfairness of life and her own hurt. The cutter is persuaded that no one understands. If God is acknowledged at all, he is viewed as distant and unable to stop the gnawing pain within.

Self-injury knows no social or economic bounds. From the lonely, hurting teenager to the empty world of Princess Diana, self-injury offers a momentary escape from relational agony. Here is one way to define the sin of self-injury:

Self-injury is a form of self-inflicted physical injury performed in order to assuage the relational hurt resulting from broken relationships with God and others. Thus, self-injury is not primarily a cry for help, but a desperate attempt at self-healing when relationships with others have seemingly failed.

The underlying sin of self-injury is turning to self for relief rather than to God. The cutter tries to accomplish for herself something that only God can do. Sin’s deceitfulness lures the self-injurer on. The razor continues to promise what it cannot deliver. The song “Numb,” by Linkin Park, describes the pain of a cutter, a teenage daughter alienated from her mother, this way:

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there,
Become so tired, so much more aware
I'm becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you.
And I know I may end up failing too.
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you.

So what can you do to help self-injurers that God brings to you? Both Mark Shaw and Ed Welch have written helpful booklets that anyone counseling self-injurers should read. You, of course, will do a thorough job of data-gathering, looking for the underlying issues that brought things to this point. In addition, allow me to suggest adding Psalm 23 to your resources in dealing with self-injurers. This psalm describes with amazing insight the world of the self-injurer. Let’s take a brief look at each verse and how it applies. I will make the comments specific to cutting, but the principles apply to all forms of self-injury.

1 The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing.

This strikes right at the center of the pain of the cutter. From a relational perspective, the cutter believes that she lacks everything. She believes that if God is indeed her shepherd, then he must be doing a terrible job. Functionally, she knows little of the care of God. He is not a loving shepherd, but a tyrant. She may not voice these words directly to you or to her parents, but that is where she is functionally. Your task, counselor, is to bring her back to God’s reality. This verse connects to reality from God’s perspective.

“How do I begin to explain God’s reality?” you may ask. That is an excellent and fundamental question. The answer to that question is often referred to as one’s worldview, although we are looking only at the “short version” here.

We are here on the planet to do what he has called us to do. Thus, through the promises and work of Christ we do, in fact, have all that we need. We lack nothing. Our cutter is viewing life from her own perspective, from her perception of her needs. This way of thinking is always a recipe for disaster. Some people embark on a lifelong quest to meet their own needs. They chase the illusive dream; to achieve it they may become workaholics or engage in some other vain pursuit. Cutters don’t wait that long. Their pain drives them to seek relief NOW. The goal of your counseling should be to bring the self-injurer to embrace the reality of this first verse of Psalm 23.

2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
  for his name’s sake.

These two verses speak of the blessed reality that verse one proclaims. If God is our shepherd, then he does indeed refresh our souls. He does guide well. In his care we indeed are surrounded by green pastures. But the cutter denies this reality and sees life only from her own lonely perspective. She is living by sight and not be faith. So, as you work through the pain of her life, you have this blessed hope to set before her: salvation, true rest, is found in coming to Christ (Matthew 11:28-30). Christ alone, through his word alone, can make sense of this young girl’s life. To be healed, she needs to see with eyes of faith. Inner healing must begin for the physical wounds to heal fully; otherwise the wounds will beckon to be opened again.

4 Even though I walk
  through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
  for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
  they comfort me.

This is where you can begin; this is where your cutter can identify deeply with the written word. She knows all about the dark valley of her life. The psalmist does not gloss over this dark reality. The self-injurer lives in this valley. The only light she sees is the brief reprieve of the razor blade. Start here, and help her see that her view of reality is at odds with God’s reality. Christ was tempted at every point that she was tempted, but he never reached for the sharp edge of the blade. Instead, he turned to the joy of submitting to his heavenly Father. Because of his death, your cutter can do this as well. She no longer has to fear the dark evils of her life. God can bring comfort to her darkest fears.

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
  my cup overflows.
6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me
  all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

This is the reality that awaits your counselee as she turns away from her fears—fears driven by a flawed, sinful perspective that says she is alone and there is no one to help with her hurt, pain and fear. As she is able to embrace the truth of these last two verses, she will be able to rest in the truth that God is her Shepherd, and she has all that she needs in him.

As many commentators have said, Psalm 23 is for the living, not the dead. Using compassion, skillful listening, insightful questions, diligent prayer, and courageously proclamation of God’s sufficient Word, you can bring hope and healing to the cutter."

What Is Misogyny?

2011-10-11T14:27:00.000-05:00

What is misogyny? The word is unfamiliar to most people. It comes from the Greek words misein, meaning to hate, and gune, meaning women. Literally, misogyny means the hatred of women. Misogyny entails a pattern of mental and emotional abuse in marital and male/female relationships. While misogynistic behavior can include physical abuse, it is usually much more subtle. Unlike the usual stereotype of men who hate women, such as wife beaters and rapists, the usual misogynistic male primarily uses emotional and mental weapons against his partner.

The partner of the misogynist is usually very bewildered. What happened to the man with whom she fell in love? After the honeymoon had ended, she realizes that she married not Romeo, but Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

The fact is that women in misogynistic relationships are constantly dealing with a double-minded man. Her partner at times is charming, adoring, affable, and loving; the next moment he is likely to be controlling, mean-spirited, and cruel. The wife is likely to be so confused by the mixed messages of her relationship that she wonders if she is going crazy. She thinks that because he can behave so lovingly at times, that it must be her fault that he is not always that way. Women in these dysfunctional relationships are usually very codependent. When they are scapegoated by their spouses as being the cause of the problems in the relations - they tend to accept the blame.

Christian men who hate women (religious misogynists) are in some ways more dangerous and destructive in their behavior than their non-Christian counterparts. Secular misogynists do not have the powerful, additional arsenal of church doctrines, God-talk, and the sanctioning of male authority, which comes with the idea of Christian marriage. Christian women are often taught in the church or at home that they should "submit" to men "no matter what" because men are the "spiritual head" over women.

What is confusing to the woman is the double-sided nature of the man's behavior. He frequently acts one way at home and then presents a different face to the outside world. When he is at church or work, he is witty, kind, considerate. Often his wife finds that her pastor and friends at church do not believe her confessions of abuse because they never see his misogynistic side. This double-life factor keeps the wife and others off balance. She becomes convinced that if she would "just do what he says" or "try harder" or "be more loving" then he would be consistently kind and caring to her.

I have seen cases where psychologists, psychiatrists, and pastors have been totally fooled by the good-looking facade of these men. Misogynists are usually quite bright and quite capable of doing a snow-job to escape detection by a professional therapist. Even when a misogynist is confronted with evidence of his abusive behavior, he may respond saying, "I know I did that - but it's only because I needed to teach her a lesson. If she would just do as I say, everything would be fine."

Misogynists are unable to empathize with their wives' pain and distress. In fact, the pain of their partner seems to enrage them and feed their hatred. Here are some telltale signs of a misogynistic relationship:

1. The man assumes that it is his "God-given right" to control how his wife lives and behaves. Her needs, thoughts, feelings are not considered.

2. He uses God, the Bible, and church teachings to support his right to "tell her what to do," and demands that she "submit" to his desires, whims, decisions, or plans without question. There is no sense of mutuality or loving consideration. It's always his way, or no way.

3. He believes that a woman's beliefs, opinions, views, feelings, and thoughts are of no real value. He may discredit her opinions in general or specifically because she is a "daughter of Eve and easily deceived." Therefore, her opinions are of little consequence. Or alternatively, he may give lip service to the idea that his wife's opinions count for something, but then discount them one by one because they are not "logical."

4. The woman reports that her husband's behavior at home is strikingly different from his behavior at work or church. At home everyone "walks on eggs" out of fear of displeasing him or setting him off. When the wife points out the difference between his behavior at home and other places, he is likely to respond, "Oh, quit exaggerating! I'm not like that!"

5. The woman reports that when he is displeased and/or does not get his way, he yells and threatens, or sulks in angry silence. Yet the next day he acts as if "nothing" had happened, and is charming and sweet. No one can predict when he is going to switch from nice to nasty.

6. The woman finds that in her relationship with him, no matter how much she may try to improve, change, "grow in the Word," etc., she still feels inadequate, guilty, and somehow off-balance. She never knows what is going to set him off next, and no matter how much she prays, he never changes. She almost feels as if she must be "crazy," and she is sure it is her fault. Even when other relationships at work or school give her positive feedback and encouragement, she loses all her confidence and self-esteem when she returns home. No matter what she does to change and adapt to his demands, it is never enough. His demands always change and become unreasonable.

7. The husband remains blind to any fault or cruelty on his part. When anything goes wrong in the home or in the marital relationship, the problem is always the woman. If she would just be "more submissive" or "be filled with the Spirit" or "obey me like a good Christian wife," everything would be fine. He actually sees himself as virtuous for "putting up" with a woman like her. On the other hand, he can become unreasonably jealous if other people, particularly men, pay too much attention to his wife. Thus, the wife no longer feels free to associate with certain friends, groups, or family members because of her need to keep him happy. Even though these activities or people are important to her, she prefers avoiding them so that she can "keep the peace."
If you see a relationship that has most of these characteristics, you are dealing with a misogynist. If a pastor or counselor, you meet a woman who comes in for counseling and she describes a relationship that sounds like this, there is misogyny involved.

Unconscious Foundation of Misogynistic Behavior: Shame and Fear of Abandonment

This produces a pattern of disrespect and hatred toward women. Misogyny lies on a continuum and is manifested at various levels of intensity, in various types of behaviors and attitudes. To one degree or another, all the types (I through IV) of Christian men who hate women use the Bible, church doctrine, and theological arguments to support their right to control women. He demands "submission" to his viewpoint: He discounts his wife's feelings, opinions, and thoughts. He acts charming one moment, then hostile and cruel the next. He frequently points out his wife's faults. He is unable to perceive his own shortcomings in the relationship.

Type 1 Misogynist (Mild):

No physical abuse of his partner. He uses indirect criticism; denies that he is abusive, protestations of love when confronted with his disrespectful behavior; extremely subtle, may use flattery to keep woman at his side. Uses logic to control situations. Out-argues spouse, totally discounts woman's feelings and thoughts. He rarely loses his temper. He always looks as if he is in control, very reasonable. Out of touch with his own feelings.

Type II Misogynist:

Includes Type I behaviors plus more overt verbal tactics such as teasing, bullying, belittling, name-calling, obvious criticism, unfavorable comparison of partner with other woman. Uses nonverbal tactics such as pouting, the "silent treatment," dirty looks to show displeasure. May demand special attention. May be jealous of wife's attention to children or other relatives. May use temper tantrums to get his own way. Increase in intensity and frequency of behaviors over Type I.

Type III Misogynist:

Uses any of Type I and Type II behaviors plus the threat of physical, emotional, or sexual abuse. More extreme in controlling social life, religious practices, finances, sexual interactions, and matters of daily living. Increase in intensity and frequency of behaviors over Types I and II.

Type IV Misogynist (Extreme):

Uses of any of Type I through type III behaviors plus physical and/or sexual abuse toward wife and possibly children. Level of intensity of abusive behavior is very high and poses a significant danger to the woman. Abusive style has become a deeply ingrained behavior. More extreme in controlling various areas of family life.

Taken with permission from the book: Christian Men Who Hate Women by Dr. Margaret J. Rinck

Yeilding Control

2011-03-07T00:57:00.002-06:00

I hope I am not violating copyright laws. The following post is in it's entirety from Dr. Neil Anderson of Freedom In Christ Ministries via Crosswalk.com

After reading it I had to share it:

YIELDING CONTROL

2 Corinthians 2:11
For we are not ignorant of his schemes

We generally agree that Christians are vulnerable to the enemy's temptation, accusation and deception. But for some reason, we hesitate to admit that Christians can lose their freedom and can surrender to demonic influences. However, the evidence of Scripture is abundant and clear that believers who repeatedly succumb to Satan can come under bondage.

Demonic control does not mean satanic ownership. You have been purchased by the blood of the Lamb, and not even the powers of hell can take your salvation away from you (1 Peter 1:17-19; Romans 8:35-39). Satan knows he can never own you again. But if he can deceive you into yielding control of your life to him in some way, he can neutralize your growth and your impact in the world for Christ.

Since we live in a world whose god is Satan, the possibility of being tempted, deceived and accused is continuous. If you allow his schemes to influence you, you can lose control to the degree that you have been deceived. If he can persuade you to believe a lie, he can control your life.

The term demon possessed never occurs in the Bible after the cross. We lack theological precision as to what demon possession constitutes in the church age. But don't come to any conclusion that you can't be affected by Satan. We are more a target than we are immune to his strategies. However, we have all the sanctuary we need in Christ, and we have the armor of God to protect us.

Prayer: Thank You, Lord, for the armor You have provided to protect me from Satan. Keep me aware of his schemes today and help me resist him in the power and authority You provide.

Pitfalls to Avoid in Choosing a Mate

2008-12-19T13:43:00.004-06:00

Statistics

With 85% of the US population marrying at least once and 50% of them ending in divorce, there is definitely a need to ask oneself some hard questions before finalizing a future mate selection. Choosing an emotionally healthy mate has more to do with the overall success of marriage than anything else you do combined after marriage. The following questions are intended as preliminary to more in depth questions as the relationship proceeds.

Question # 1
Am I making this decision too fast?

Quick marriages are already in trouble because they are based on a core belief of fantasies. “I will always be loved.” “I’ll never be alone.” “It will make me eternally happy.” “I’ll have someone I can control.” “I will always be needed.” “I can escape the pain of my personal circumstances.” “They will care for me or I can take care of them.” Ironically, most of these are needs that only God can meet (Phil. 4:11-13). Therefore, quick marriages can be a means of putting another human in the place of God. This is normally called “co-dependency.”

Question # 2
Am I too young to make this important decision?

Although the average age to get married has increased, there remains a large percentage of young married couples. These young couples usually fail to accomplish two important tasks of life. First, they do not know who they really are as to their identity. Adolescents and young adults are just coming out of a phase of conforming to their peers and have not fully identified the gifts, talents and personality strengths that God is developing in them. They were a different person at age 18 than at age 25. Often couples who marry young report that they or their mate are different people than when they married. Second, they may not have determined their (or God’s) life goal for themselves. There has not been enough life experience to determine this.

Question # 3
Am I too eager to get marred?

Usually at the root of this eagerness is an attempt to fix something that is broken in themselves or someone else. Passion temporarily covers personal pain which only resurfaces later. Emotions are not subject to truth or reality. They only mask future responsibilities, relational conflict and the pain that follows. Finding a mate who is emotionally mature can eliminate close to 75% of the causes of divorce. Why? They have put away their childish ways of dealing with life (I Cor. 13:11).

Question # 4
Am I trying to please someone at the expense of my own feelings, desires, dreams or goals?

Wounded mates stuff who they really are or who God has called them to be thinking they can gain acceptance and approval if they just perform well for their mate. They have confused pleasing with love. Pleasers fail to see who God made them to be, therefore, they arrive at midlife clueless as to who they are. Pleasers tend to marry angry controllers and spend the remainder of their lives walking on egg shells to control their mate’s anger and are oblivious to God’s leading by His Holy Spirit (Rom. 8:4). In time bitterness will control their heart (Heb. 12:15).

Question # 5
Have I had enough balanced life experiences with this person?

Have you observed this person in a variety of situations to be able to really know this person? People ‘in love’ do not like “problem talk” and therefore, they are clueless how this person will handle inevitable conflict. Healthy conflict can be a base for deeper intimacy which is the result of deeper understanding. The single most direct influence you can have on your relationship and future children is how you manage anger. Life experience does not include sexual involvement which outside of marriage is sin (Eph. 5:3-5). Sexual sin does not produce a healthy marriage. Research repeatedly indicates couples who live together before marriage have less happiness in marriage than couples who waited. They report more frequent arguments during marriage and greater risk of separation and divorce.

Question # 6
Do I have too unrealistic expectations?

Expectations are rules one adult makes for another adult. Adults do not like rules made just for them. When one fails to “keep the rules” conflict and disappointment ensues. Have the roles and responsibilities been clearly defined and agreed upon? Have they agreed on basic biblical marital attitudes; she is to respect him and he is to (sacrificially) love her (Eph. 5:33). The big self- deception is you can expect to change later what you do not like in a future mate now. Red lights before marriage do not turn green after marriage. Love alone does not fix past or present wounds. It is a false expectation that there will be no difficulties even if you seem to do most everything right in your marriage. It is a must that all topics (money, kids, sex, religion, etc.) are discussed and agreed upon before you say,”I do” or you will fight over them later.

Question # 7
Am I overlooking significant personality or behavioral problems?

Personal and behavioral problems tend to be rooted in the birth family and are passed on generationally (Ex. 20:5, 6). You may need to ask yourself, “Am I willing to spend the rest of my life dealing with these problems (pride, control, selfishness, entitlements, jealousy, immorality, etc.)?” Negative personality traits will show up in almost every situation, not just once or twice in the course of the marriage. Failure to deal with these problems before marriage results in loss of leverage for change (what incentives do they have to change now in the marriage?) The problems will escalate under the normal stress of marriage and make them much more difficult to manage over time. The pleasure of denial will ultimately fade in the presence of pain over the long haul.

Question # 8
Am I minimizing the spiritual aspect of the relationship?

Studies have repeatedly shown that a mutually agreed upon spiritual base (core belief system) has a very favorable influence on the marriage (Rom. 12:16). There is more satisfaction, greater sexual contentment, less divorce, less conflict, higher commitment, motivation to solve problems, to sacrifice for each other, to work as a team and greater desire to keep the marriage strong. Research also indicates partners from different religions are much more likely to divorce. Putting an ox and a horse in the same yoke proves to be very unsatisfying to the farmer (II Cor. 6:14).

Question # 9
Have we established and agreed upon communication rules before marriage?

One survey of 21,500 married couples indicated the top category of predictive marital happiness was how they communicated with each other (Col 4:6). Have they agreed to stop interrupting and start listening (Prov. 18:13)? Are they going to refrain from name calling and start encouraging instead (Gal. 5:15)? Will they remain focused on one issue at a time and avoid hopping from one topic to another? Are they committed to acknowledging each other’s perspective without feeling threatened by the absence of agreement? Is there an effort to mirror back what is said in order to clarify the meaning of what is being said? Is there a commitment not to allow arguments to escalate in anger which results in destruction of the relationship (Eph. 4:27)? Have they agreed not to pout, withdraw or give the silent treatment? These are just a few of the “must discuss” aspects of commitment before the wedding.

Just a Beginning

Consider these basic starting points before you say, “I do.” Hundreds of hours of relationship pain can be prevented by mutually processing these basic topics. God does not bless the “knowers” of what it takes to have a mutually satisfying marriage. He only blesses the “doers” who put it into practice (James 1:25). God designed marriage. He knows how it works best.

From my good friend and colleague Shelia Benzon a member of counseling team of Living Foundation Ministries and a fellow member of the American Association of Christian Counselors

For a more complete outline of “Traps to Avoid in Choosing a Mate", go to http://www.lfmtools.org/

Resolving A Fight In Progress

2008-11-07T14:34:00.001-06:00

Do not bring up that you want to divorce or separate in the heat of an argument. This is not a decision to make when you are upset as it will undoubtedly make the conflict worse. If your partner says they hate you and that they want to leave you or other hurtful things, remember that they are mad and probably don’t mean what they are saying. We all say things we don’t mean when we are angry. Don’t Say ... “I am leaving you”.... Do say... “I am leaving the room to go calm down, I need some timeout”.

Don’t make ultimatums or threats (they will only come back to haunt you). If you make someone do what you want by threatening them, it will be at the expense of their love for you and your relationship. Threats will rarely work anyway, as people do things more readily out of love and wanting to please others rather than fear. Threats only breed resentment. If your partner’s behavior is unacceptable you need to learn other skills and techniques to set boundaries for yourself and limit their behavior, threats will not work and will only escalate the fighting. Don’t say... “If you don’t stop saying that I will not come home tonight”... Do say... “I want to talk to you, but when you have calmed down and changed your tone of voice, I need to cool down too.”

Stop thinking you need your partner to do what you want them to right now. They cannot help you now as they are all tied up in dealing with their own negative emotions. Be wise and give both yourself and your partner some time and space.

Take care of your own hurt. If you need to get away from your partner to feel safe and get some quiet time, do so, but say clearly where you are going, when you will be back and that you just need some time to cool off because you are too upset to talk anymore and you need some space to take care of yourself. If they will give you time alone without you leaving, then stay where you are, but do not be waiting for your partner to come and see you to ‘make up’ or make you feel better. They need time to calm down too. If they walk out on you, forget about them for now and take care of yourself. If you have kids reassure them that you are OK and that things are going to be alright. No matter how hurt you feel inside, be brave and strong for your kids, kids love strength in a parent and will love you for it. If you can, ask a neighbor to watch the kids for an hour or so and then do what you need to do to feel better. This might be listening to some calming music you like, taking a walk somewhere nice, having a bath or shower or even listening to the rain or a recording of rain sounds. If there is no one to watch the kids, take them out for a walk or to the park. Learning to soothe yourself and get back to being happy regardless of how your partner is feeling or behaving is one of the most important skills you can learn.

Do not drink or use drugs or talk about the fight to someone else as these actions will only fuel your bad feelings. Also do not work yourself up further by swinging your arms around, punching a punching bag or chopping wood etc. It was once believed that this helped, but it has been shown in many research studies that it doesn’t and that instead doing something calming is much better. You will change how you feel by changing your focus. Focus on something calm and beautiful and your feelings will eventually go in that direction. Start by sitting or lying down or going for a walk. Give it a bit of time and the bad feelings will pass.

Decide that you are not going to think about the problem while you are upset. It can take nearly two days to calm down completely once you have really lost your cool. Make a note on a piece of paper about what first upset you, but decide to leave it till you are completely calm before you think about it or decide what you will do about it. The voice in our head that talks to us when we are angry tells us to do things that we will usually regret later. Smart and successful people do not listen to that voice and don’t take too personally what others say to us when they are angry or upset.

No matter how much you might feel like hurting your partner by saying or doing mean things, try and be honest about your own hurt instead. Say I feel very hurt about what you are saying and I need some time to think about it. I hope that we can get past this. You can also reassure your partner that you will stand by them and that even though you are angry you will not leave them (if you can do this honestly). Having the courage to admit your hurt and vulnerability and also your love for them is much more courageous and powerful than trying to control your partner with aggression and intimidation. Don’t say... “I have always hated you; you are a fat slob....” Do say... “I feel very hurt by what you are saying and I am angry at you, but I also really love you, so right now I need some time to calm down before I say anything that I don’t really mean.”

If your partner is not answering you, understand it may be because they are overwhelmed. This generally happens to men faster than women. When we are faced with criticism it is very human to reach a point where we just freeze up. Understand this and don’t assume that they are ignoring you or trying to hurt you further. Silence in a fight could mean emotional overload and you need to give them time to recover their emotional balance before they can talk to you. This may even take a day or two. Don’t say... “Stop ignoring me!”... Do say “I need some time to cool off and you probably do too - I am going to take some time out. I am not attacking you; I hope we can discuss this in a more friendly way when you are ready”.

Don’t ignore what the fight was about. Refer to the note you made about what triggered the fight a few days later once you are calm and decide what action needs to be taken. Anger is a clear sign that a boundary of yours has been crossed and you need to work on how you are going to defend it. Complaining to your partner about it will probably not help. Note: A boundary is just like it sounds, it is the line of what behavior you find comfortable accepting from others. If someone is rude to you for instance this line has been ‘trespassed’. Making note of what behaviors in others upset you, to consider later when you are calm and can figure out how you can stop that happening again. This is just as important as you calming yourself down in the heat of the moment. You can read more about boundaries in the book Boundaries by Dr.’s Henry Cloud and John Townsend.

Don’t bring up the conversation again until you have decided how you are going to defend this boundary so it is not crossed again. You should leave this at least two or three days.

When you see your partner again be ready to offer an olive branch. When you see them again say that you need a few days to think about what you were fighting about and that you don’t want to talk about it right now. Try and be light and remember that admitting that you are sorry or embarrassed might be hard but is actually very attractive. You will have a chance later to work on the boundary that was crossed and what you can do to defend it better, but for now just remember what you value about your relationship and what you have in common.

Don’t make excuses that the conflict must be resolved now. The more pressing the matter the more important it is that you take the time to calm down. If your partner is uncooperative and you need their help, then change your plan and organize things differently without expecting them to help. After practicing this you will get better at it. You will probably never change your initial reaction to anger or upset, but you can change how you respond to this reaction. Just like exercising a muscle, you will get better at this with practice. When you feel your emotions flare think “Now I have a great chance to exercise self control”. This is not about bottling up your emotions. Let them know that you are angry but also learn to regulate and control your response and to take note about what angered you and make sure you do take time to deal with it later once you are calm.

Practice these skills and you will see every aspect of your life improve...

Life Out Who You Are

2008-09-17T14:26:00.002-05:00

I ran across this today and wanted to share it with you...

Life Out Who You Are
by Dr. Bill Gillham

If you are saved, but believe that you are half evil and half good, you will live a confused, roller coaster life on this planet, tossed about on the horns of whatever temptation seems to be your besetting sin. Continue to live like this and you will ultimately swallow the lie that you are actually not half evil and half good but, are more like 90% evil, alas, even 100% evil and zero good, misinterpreting Romans 7:18 by stating, "No good thing dwells in me…" the man is talking about his flesh, not his soul or spirit. Listen, brother, if you get a splinter in your foot do you become a totem pole? No, you have wood "dwelling in you." Neither if you have "evil present in you" does that make you evil? Finish the verse (Romans 7:21) to find out your identity. You are the "one who wishes to do good." You’re the good guy if you are a new creation in Christ. That "evil present in you (in your body)" is the power of sin, an agent of Satan. It’s not you!

Make no mistake about it, you will "life out" whatever you believe your true identity is! Believe you are a saint who sins at times, but who hates it and you’ll be highly motivated to line up your behavior to coincide with your identity. Believe you are totally evil, and it will come as no shock to you that you commit several hundred sins a day. You will live a defeated Christian life.
Is it any wonder that I believe it to be critically important that the church discover who we are?

Learn more about Dr. Bill Gillham and Lifetime Guarantee Ministries; go to www.lifetime.org

Your Answer Is At The Door

2008-07-15T13:03:00.004-05:00

I ran across this today and just had to share it with y'all. What really struck me was what I have taken the liberty to put into boldface. Be blessed!

July 15, 2008

Your Answer is at the Door
Rev. James C. Matthews

"So Peter was kept in prison, but the church was earnestly praying to God for him' ... 'Suddenly an angel of the Lord appeared and a light shone in the cell. He struck Peter on the side and woke him up. "Quick, get up!" he said, and the chains fell off Peter's wrists'. ... 'When this had dawned on him, he went to the house of Mary the mother of John, also called Mark, where many people had gathered and were praying. Peter knocked at the outer entrance, and a servant girl named Rhoda came to answer the door. When she recognized Peter's voice, she was so overjoyed she ran back without opening it and exclaimed, "Peter is at the door!" "You're out of your mind," they told her. When she kept insisting that it was so, they said, "It must be his angel." But Peter kept on knocking, and when they opened the door and saw him, they were astonished. (Acts 12:5,7,12-16, NIV)

One morning during my prayer and devotion time, I ran across a scripture that stopped me in my tracks. There was something in the text that God wanted me to see. So I backed up and reread the text again. Then it hit me! These believers, who were praying earnestly, weren't expecting their prayers to be answered. I said to myself: "How can this be? How can we pray "earnestly" for something and not believe our answer when it arrives?" God revealed to me that this happens all the time. He sends answers to our prayers and they are returned to Him stamped “Unclaimed."

Why is this? How can we take the time to pray and not expect our answer or recognize it when it comes knocking? I believe there are three main reasons why this happens.

First, is a "lack of expectation" due to "past experiences". In looking at the context of this scripture, these individuals had experienced fellow believers being killed, even after they prayed for their release. They had endured the stoning of Stephen, the slaying of James and now their leader Peter was scheduled to be next. Those who were in the house praying, told the young girl who reported that their prayers had been answered, that she was "out of her mind". However, we must remember that our past experiences or failures do not determine or dictate God's present or future course of action. Many of the most difficult things that hinder our forward movement in life, are not the things that lay ahead of us, but those things that are behind us that distract us from what is happening in our lives now. We must expect God to answer our prayers and be on the look out for its manifestation in our lives, regardless of what happened yesterday. The Bible says that “he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him” (Hebrews 11:6).

Secondly, prayer in the lives of many believers, has been minimized to being nothing more than a "religious activity or responsibility", instead of it being the heaven moving gift of God. When we lose sight of the fact that we are calling upon an omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent Creator God of the universe, who also happens to be “our Father”, we can become overwhelmed by the severity of our situation. We must understand that we are not calling upon another human being or some distant disinterested deity - but our Father who has no limitations. If I can find it in His Word, and agree with what He has said, the facts of my situation will have to line up with the truth of His word. Facts change everyday, but the truth never changes. Because I've decided to believe the truth above the fluctuating facts, I have a legitimate expectation of manifestation (answered prayer) in my life. Prayer is more than religion or a believer's responsibility, but a relationship with our Father!

Thirdly, “God's ways are not our ways”. I truly believe, that part of the difficulty those gathered in prayer had in receiving their answer, was that it seemed “too easy”. They prayed and God answered their prayer. It was that simple! Believe it or not, this happens more often than you think. I've discovered that many of us overlook our answers because we “feel” that we haven't toiled, labored or suffered enough to have earned an answer from God. Remember, you are a “son”, not a slave! You don't earn blessings - you receive them! Jesus said, in Matthew 7:11, "If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"

Therefore, what have you been praying to God about? Did you know that God is your Father and He wants to bless you? Do you expect your prayer to be answered? If not, you need to take a good look around, because the answer to your prayer may have already arrived, and waiting on you to receive it!

Pastor James C. (J.C.) Matthews is the founder and Senior Pastor of the multi-cultural non-denominational Dunamis Life Ministries of Dallas, Texas. Pastor Matthews is known for his love of God's Word, unusual wisdom, passionate preaching style and gift of practically applying scripture to everyday. He is the author of the Saved but Stuck: 30 Days to Personal Revival". "I'll Come... When I Get Myself Together" and "My Situation Is Not My Destination - Only Preparation". J.C. Matthews lives in the Dallas / Ft. Worth Texas area with his wife Gena and four children.
© Rev. James C. Matthews all rights reserved.

Personal Responsibility

2008-05-22T17:27:00.003-05:00

Realize there is a Struggle

It would be naïve to believe that counselees will readily do what they are encouraged to do. In the back of their minds, they have a gain-loss scale. They weigh, “What will I gain if I do what I should do or what will I lose if I choose not to do it?” They need encouragement to do the next right thing.

Identify Responsibilities

People are charged in Scripture “If possible, as much as it depends on you (in your circle of responsibility), live peaceably with all men” (Romans 12:18). God gives incredible power to those in a conflict to honestly identify what is happening; assign who is responsible for what; personally assume what responsibility has been assigned; then fulfill what is in their own circle of personal responsibility. God only blesses and empowers the “fulfillers” who do what is in their circle of responsibility (James 1:25).

Motivate to be Responsible

Just identifying a person’s personal responsibility in a conflict does not guarantee they will follow through with it. Your task is to explain the incredible benefits of doing the next right thing in their circle. These benefits will tap into God’s power for personal responsibility. What are those benefits?

Focus

Most counselees have little focus or direction for their lives. Identifying and fulfilling their personal responsibilities will give them specific direction and something to focus on when chaos breaks out around them. They will be able to say, “I know what is the next right thing to do” (Joshua 24:15).

Purpose

One of the major losses experienced by Adam and Eve after they sinned was a loss of purpose in life. Chronic boredom is one of the results of a loss of purpose. When a person clearly identifies their personal responsibility, they can say, “I have something to live for” (Philippians 1:21).

Accomplishment

Counselees often say, “I don’t feel I’m getting anywhere!” If they identify and fulfill what is in their circle of responsibility each day, then they can measure their progress and say, “I feel like I’m getting somewhere.” Each step of doing the right thing is equivalent to passing the next mile marker on a major highway. With the Apostle Paul they can declare, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race (completed all that was in my circle), I have kept the faith” (2 Timothy 4:7)

Security

Most conflicts destabilize a person emotionally and tap into their insecurities. Once they clearly know what to do, instability gives way to solid security. They know what they should do or not do which reduces emotional vacillation and results in greater peace. When they have done what God expects them to do, they can stand in secure peace (Ephesians 6:13b).

Calm

Visualize tension in relationships as two people pulling on a rope in opposite directions. It only takes one person to let go or move forward to reduce tension on the rope. Often when one person in a conflict begins to fulfill what is in their circle of responsibility, it will reduce tension in them whether or not there is a change in the other person. That’s what the Apostle Paul was referring to when he stated, “…as much as it depends on you (your end of the rope), be at peace with all men” (Romans 12:18).

Harmony

Discord is heard in an orchestra when an instrument is not properly tuned to the oboe or the right notes are not played. The counselee’s task is to tune their words, actions and attitudes to God’s word which will greatly increase the possibility of harmony. Their task is to tune their own instrument and play their assigned notes, regardless what others play. Sour notes played by others do not excuse the counselee from staying tuned to God’s word and playing the notes assigned to their instrument (I Peter 3:8.9; Philippians 4:3).

Healing

The power of personal responsibility holds the greatest possibility for healing relationships. When one person acknowledges where they were wrong and confesses it, then it can motivate the other offender to do the same. Jesus taught that whether you offend someone (Matthew 5:23-24) or they offend you (Matthew 18:15-17), it is in your circle of responsibility to go to them and seek to heal the relationship. The Apostle Paul recognized that at the end of this age, people will tend to be irreconcilable (2 Timothy 3:3). But the counselee could lay the groundwork for relational healing if they harness the power of their responsibility and fulfill it.

Witness

People around the world who reject the Christian church tend do so on two grounds; it’s boring and it’s irrelevant. One of the most powerful sources of witness is when a believer puts into practice in his everyday life what he believes. People who are responsible are in great demand. When you fulfill what is legitimately in your circle of responsibility and graciously refuse what’s not in it, unbelievers stand amazed and state, “You really practice your religion, don’t you? “ A responsible person emits a powerful witness (Matthew 5:16).

Anticipation

Each believer is going to stand before God and have all his works judged for the purpose of rewards (2 Corinthians 5:10). Sin will not be the issue here because the blood of Christ has washed it all away (Romans 3:24, 25). But when the believer stands before God, he will only be judged for what he did or did not do in his own circle of responsibility. He will not be held accountable for what others have done in their circles.

A believer who has been a “doer of the word” in his everyday life can anticipate with gladness all that God has in store for him to enjoy forever. After the Apostle Paul affirmed he had fought the good fight, finished his race (circle of responsibility), he then confidently stated, “…there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give to me.” Paul goes on to say, “and not to me only, but also to all who have loved His appearing” (2 Timothy 4:8). The power of personal responsibility, not only can energize the counselee now, but can excite him to anticipate the incredible rewards that he can enjoy forever.

Summary

The power of personal responsibility can:

Keep you focused.
Give you purpose.
Deepen your security.
Calm your emotions.
Establish your witness.
Heal your relationships.
Anticipate your reward.

Chuck Lynch’s book, You Can Work It Out, covers these and many other hard questions based on the principle of personal responsibility. It can be ordered through the Living Foundation Ministries office for $13 each. LFM will cover the shipping and handling (within the U.S.). No proceeds from this book go to the author.

Living Foundation Ministries
611 NW R.D. Mize Rd.
Blue Springs, MO 64014
(816) 229-5000

Living With A Self Centered Person

2008-02-22T16:32:00.002-06:00

Every one of us struggles with selfishness. Usually we can be reasoned with and come up with a mutually agreeable solution, but not so for the extreme self-centered person (narcissist).

Characteristics of the Self-Centered Person

He (or she) has unrealistic expectations of others; manipulates them to cater to his every need; is easily insulted; can be verbally and sometimes physically abusive; makes others responsible for his feelings but has a total lack of empathy for others; chronically shifts blame to others for his problems and mistakes; can have sudden mood swings; rewrites historical events to avoid any personal responsibility; conveys one personality in public and a totally different one in private; discounts others’ opinions; appoints self as the final authority; controls others; feels entitled to be treated differently than others; is uncooperative; acts superior; craves adoration.

Biblical Understanding of the Self-Centered Person

The self-centered person has accepted Satan’s offer to Eve to be like God (Gen. 3:5). When a believer removes God from the center of this life and puts self on the throne, he is controlled by the flesh (Gal. 5:19-21), not by the Holy Spirit (Gal. 5:22, 23). The unbeliever doesn’t have God in his life so self reigns on the throne of his life. . .

How to Respond to the Self-Centered Person

1. Affirm to yourself your true identity in Christ and not what you are told by the self-centered person (Gal. 2:20).

2. Review often in your mind who you are in Christ:
I am deeply loved (Rom 5:8), accepted (Rom 15:7), righteous (2 Cor. 5:17), adopted (Eph. 1:5), chosen (Eph.1:4), sealed (Eph.1:13), protected (Phil 4:7), blessed (Eph.1:3) and pardoned (Rom. 8:1).

3. Remember, the self-centered person cannot alter or change who you are because you were reborn with Christ’s identity. The self-centered person does not define you. God does! (I Cor. 1:2)

4. Recognize that verbal attacks, criticism and demeaning comments are actually coming from Satan through the self-centered person to you. Satan used Peter’s voice to try to divert Jesus from going to the cross (Matt. 18:23). The self-centered person’s goal is to devalue who you are in Christ. Whatever his tactics, the self-centered person is totally responsible for his words (Matt. 12:35-37).

5. Recommit yourself to the Lord daily. Jesus recommitted Himself often to His heavenly Father (I Peter 2: 23).

6. Be assured that God knows the facts that the self-centered person may be trying to distort in yours or other’s thinking (I Peter 2:23).

7. Respond from a position of confident security in Christ and self-control from the Holy Spirit (Heb. 10:35; Is. 30:15b). Never defend the flesh. It’s futile.

8. Remind yourself that you may lose in time, even with your godly response, but you will win in eternity (2 Cor. 4:7). The self-centered person may “win” in time but will lose in eternity, either his rewards as a believer (2 Cor. 5:10) or eternal destruction as an unbeliever (Rev. 20:11-15).

9. Identify and fulfill what is in your own circle of responsibility (Rom. 12:18). The self-centered person will shrink his circle of responsibility and attempt to expand yours and make you responsible for everything. Don’t assume what’s not yours.

10. Maintain your own mental, physical and spiritual health at all costs (I Thess. 5:23; 2 Peter 3:18; I Tim. 6:6).

11. Avoid traps that are set for you to act like him so he can come back and say “Look who’s talking and you call yourself a Christian?” These are “got you” traps (2 Cor. 2:11; I Peter 3:9).

12. Develop a response plan that will reflect your godly character and not his sinful response patterns (I Peter 3:9).

13. Emotionally detach enough so that his mood swings do not put you on an emotional roller-coaster. You do not need his cooperation to maintain your own emotional and spiritual integrity. Why? Because you are controlled by the Holy Spirit, not his attitude (Gal. 5:22, 23).

14. Remain firm, confident and respectful in spite of his goal to make you incompetent and lose control of yourself (Is. 30:15b).

15. Avoid the spears of verbal, critical attacks that are thrown at you just as David did when King Saul tried to kill him (I Sam. 19:10). How? When they are thrown, duck and let them hit the wall by reaffirming to yourself, “This is not about me. This is about him.” (Phil. 1:27, 28)

16. Allow the self-centered person to experience the consequences for his actions. This is one way to convey to him that you intend to be taken seriously (Gal. 6:7). When we do not listen to God’s Word, He sends His works. The book of Judges illustrates this pattern.

17. Maintain respect. The self-centered person craves adoration and control. God said we have to at least remain respectful. You can say, “No” respectfully and or refuse to play angry games or allow yourself to be manipulated (Eph. 5:33; Acts 23:1-5; I Peter 2:17).

18. Hold to your biblical convictions at all costs because he will twist scripture to control you (I Peter 1:13; I Tim, 4:16; 2 Tim. 1:13).

19. Accept the fact that you probably are not going to have the self-centered person’s approval. He knows very little about validating another person. You are totally secure in Christ.

20. Accept the truth that the self-centered person will be insensitive (Phil. 2:21). No pleading on your part is going to change that. Draw your comfort from God (2 Cor.1:4) and other believers (Gal. 6:2). Only God can change him (John 16:8).

21. Establish reasonable boundaries with appropriate consequences. You only build a fence around something that is valuable. See yourself as valuable in Christ (Matt. 6:26). Put a stop to the boundary violations or remove yourself from the violator. If you do not see yourself as valuable in Christ, you will not be able to set legitimate boundaries.

22. Grant forgiveness on a daily basis to prevent your spirit from becoming bitter (Eph. 4:32). Forgiveness is what you grant. Trust is what he has to earn (Prov. 18:19).

23. Understand that you are not trapped. Biblically you can choose to stay in the situation without any change (I Cor. 7:10) or you can separate and remain single or separate and be reconciled (I Cor. 7:11). There may be other choices, but these are three clear ones.

24. Pray for them (Matt. 5:44) that God will break through their denial, arrogance and roots of anger then draw them to Himself. Without a change of heart all behavioral changes are temporary.

Unfortunately, no relationship means much to the self-centered person, neither do tragic events. You can see this in the life of Pharaoh (Ex. 4:14). God warns us that one of the characteristics of the end times is that men will be lovers of themselves (2 Tim. 3:2). Your task is to remain godly in your responses, stay in your circle of responsibility, establish healthy boundaries and forgive regularly. Nothing may change, but your heart and spirit will grow through your godly response and this finds great favor in the sight of God (I Peter 2:20).

Positive Benefits From Negative Experiences

2007-05-15T21:30:00.000-05:00

It may come as a surprise to learn that the word “problem” does not appear in the King James Version of the Bible. It only appears three times each in the New American Standard Version and New International Version, all in the book of Daniel. God does not view tragedies, hurts, losses and conflict as problems. He calls them trials, tests, temptations, afflictions, tribulations and sufferings. He, instead, views them as opportunities to experience at least twelve positive benefits.

1. Growth in personal character. What character quality is this building in me? (James 1:1-3). God is more concerned that we develop Christ like character than just fixing problems. This is the practical process of the doctrine of progressive sanctification.

2. Gain insights in His Word. What insights am I learning from His Word as I go through this? (Ps. 119:71)

3. Deepen your understanding of God’s ways. What ways of God am I learning? (Prov. 14:12; Isaiah 55:8-9)

4. Deepen your relationship with Him personally. How is this deepening my relationship with God? (Phil. 3:10) Knowing about God is good and important. But knowing God personally is better. There is nothing that deepens that personal experience with Him more than to experience suffering with Him. The fellowship of suffering with Him is second to none.

5. Illustrate to others how to respond to pain and loss. Who is going to benefit from my godly response? (2 Cor. 1:6; Phil. 1:12-14)

6. Glorify Him. How am I glorifying God through this? (John 9:3; 11:4)

7. Correct wrong behavior. What am I doing that is not pleasing to God? (I Cor. 11:30-32; Heb. 12:3-13; Ps. 119:67, 71).

8. Prevent pride. What are my areas of struggle with pride?(2 Cor. 12:7)

9. Learn obedience. What lessons do I have to keep learning? (Heb. 5:8)

10. Purify your faith. What areas of my life can I not trust God? (I Peter 1:6-7; 2 Chron. 16:9; 2 Cor. 1:3)

11. Reduce dependence on people, places or things. What am I depending on in the place of God? (Phil. 4:19; Judges 7:2)

12. Prepare you to help others. Who does God want me to help? (2 Cor. 1:4)

Many “problems” are not going to be “solved” this side of Heaven, but these benefits can be yours through faith and obedience to Christ.

Bloody nose on the closed door... flying out the window

2007-03-05T16:44:00.000-06:00

Well, if you'll reference a previous post entitled "New Outlook On Life" this post will make more sense.

So, in light of meeting God in the middle of the highway, Dr. Chuck Lynch founder and president of Living Foundation Ministries in Blue Springs, MO invited me to join him in minstry. It is quite comforting to know that someone of Dr. Lynch's stature has confidence in me. I will be doing some mass-media work for him as well as some counseling.

Pray for me as I fasten my seat belt and take off on this new adventure with God and the staff at L F M.

O B T W, check out the website I will be responsible for by clicking on the link to the right.

Until next time, Via con Dios!

True or false?

2006-09-08T18:32:00.000-05:00

I'm just probing cyberspace for opinions.

So, true or false?
Do people aged 50+ have any place in church these days?
Have people 50+ outlived their usefulness in church?
Should people 50+ retire from participation at church other than warming a pew on Sunday morning?
Is there a generation gap in churches these days?

What think you on these things?

New Outlook On Life

2006-08-08T17:22:00.000-05:00

Wow, it's been a while since I've been here. Our summer has been especially busy. First, Zoe's birth (1st grandchild!) then Scout Camp then Flagstaff then Aldersgate then Becky's wedding... now the kitchen is all torn up to paint etc. Anyway it seems like just yesterday that Nancy was off for the summer. Now her contract starts next week and she has already been out to school to get her classroom ready.

I wanted to put something on here about my experience at Aldersgate '06 in Springfield, Ill. I left home very angry over a lot of things. I've been in this place for some time now. The biggest deal was the loss of my candidacy into licensed pastoral ministry. This still nags at me quite a bit... but... it is dead and I just need to get over it... anyway... back to Aldersgate- usually I go each year to learn something to use in ministry... something to teach others... this year it seemed as though I should look out for #1 if you will. I began the conference asking God to deal with me in regards to my hurt, disappointment and anger. Well, to make a long story short, He did in fact hear my prayer and began dealing with me. I decided to jump right in front of His grace and let it hit me head on. I honestly believe a healing has begun in my life and am looking forward to what God has in store for me. We are so conditioned to not "play in the highway"... it is hard for me to stand in the middle of God's highway and hope and pray that He hits me head on. But that's where I intend to be. Until next time, Via con Dios!

God's Yellow Pages

2006-03-28T11:00:00.000-06:00

Check out God's Yellow Pages

click on the link to the right

it's pretty cool.

Kids worship at Grace

2006-02-05T14:32:00.000-06:00

I've been helping Miss Stephanie and Mr Tom with Kids Worship at church lately. I've been doing the bible lessen often. A lot of parents are doing a lot of stuff right with their kids. It never ceases to amaze me how much Bible knowledge the kids have.

Whatever I can do to help them retain the knowledge they have, add more and make it fun... I will

Thank You God! for kids.

This morning's skit at church

2006-02-05T13:41:00.000-06:00

This morning's skit (drama) at church was especially moving to me.

It was cute. It was funny. I really enjoyed it. It kept me 'hooked' all the way through. It was 'right on'.

It was about a college student come home to break the news that she had decided to drop out of college to go into 'the ministry'.

Her parents assumed all the wrong things as they were trying to guess what this important thing was that she had come home to tell them. They then [more or less] lost it to realize their daughter had decided to go into the 'ministry'

As a parent of 3 college graduates (one of which has also completed seminary) I have to say that I am so so so so dad-gummed proud that they all want to be in the 'ministry'.

May God bless them richly as they follow His call on their lives.

The Children of Israel

2006-01-13T09:56:00.000-06:00

"Mr. Goldblatt," announced little Joey, "there's something I can't figure out." "What's that, Joey?" asked Goldblatt." Well, according to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea, right?" "Right." "And the Children of Israel beat up the Phillistines, right?" "Well, ah, right." "And the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?" "Again you're right." "And the Children of Israel fought the Egyptians, and the Children of Israel fought the Romans, and the Children of Israel were always doing something important, right?" "All that is right, too," agreed Goldblatt. "So what's your question?" "What were all the grown-ups doing?"

What does love mean?

2006-01-06T08:43:00.000-06:00

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds,

"What does love mean?"
The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."-Rebecca- age 8
"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."- Billy - age 4
"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other." - Karl - age 5

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs." - Chrissy - age 6
"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." - Terri - age 4

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK." - Danny - age 7
"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss" - Emily - age 8
"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen." - Bobby - age 7
"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate," - Nikka - age 6(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)
"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday." - Noelle - age 7
"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well." - Tommy - age 6

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore." - Cindy - age 8
"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night." - Clare - age 6
"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken." - Elaine-age 5
"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Brad Pitt." - Chris - age 7
"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day." - Mary Ann - age 4
"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones." - Lauren - age 4

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." - Karen - age 7
"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget." - Jessica - age 8
And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge.The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,"Nothing, I just helped him cry"

Paul Harvey's thoughts on prayer

2005-12-12T14:09:00.000-06:00

I got this today in an email. I tried to find out if it was true or false. I could find nothing. I certainly hope it is true.

Paul Harvey says:
"I don't believe in Santa Claus, but I'm not going to sue somebody for singing a Ho-Ho-Ho song in December. I don't agree with Darwin, but I didn't go out and hire a lawyer when my high school teacher taught his theory of evolution. Life, liberty or your pursuit of happiness will not be endangered because someone says a 30-second prayer before a football game. So what's the big deal? It's not like somebody is up there reading the entire book of Acts. They're just talking to a God they believe in and asking him to grant safety to the players on the field and the fans going home from the game. But it's a Christian prayer, some will argue. Yes, and this is the United States of America, a country founded on Christian principles. According to our very own phone book, Christian churches outnumber all others better than 200-to-1. So what would you expect - somebody chanting Hare Krishna? If I went to a football game in Jerusalem, I would expect to hear a Jewish prayer. If I went to a soccer game in Baghdad, I would expect to hear a Muslim prayer. If I went to a ping pong match in China, I would expect to hear someone pray to Buddha. And I wouldn't be offended. It wouldn't bother me one bit. When in Rome. But what about the atheists? is another argument. What about them? Nobody is asking them to be baptized. We're not going to pass the collection plate. Just humor us for 30 seconds. If that's asking too much, bring a Walkman or a pair of ear plugs. Go to the bathroom. Visit the concession stand. Call your lawyer! Unfortunately, one or two will make that call. One or two will tell thousands what they can and cannot do. I don't think a short prayer at a football game is going to shake the world's foundations. Christians are just sick and tired of turning the other cheek while our courts strip us of all our rights. Our parents and grandparents taught us to pray before eating; to pray before we go to sleep. Our Bible tells us to pray without ceasing. Now a handful of people and their lawyers are telling us to cease praying. God, help us. And if that last sentence offends you, well ... just sue me. The silent majority has been silent too long. It's time we let that one or two who scream loud enough to be heard that the vast majority don't care what they want. It is time the majority rules! It's time we tell them, you don't have to pray; you don't have to say the pledge of allegiance; you don't have to believe in God or attend services that honor Him. That is your right, and we will honor your right. But by golly, you are no longer going to take our rights away. We are fighting back ... and we WILL WIN! God bless us one and all ... especially those who denounce Him. God bless America, despite all her faults. She is still the greatest nation of all. God bless our service men who are fighting to protect our right to pray and worship God. May 2005 be the year the silent majority is heard and we put God back as the foundation of ourfamilies and institutions. Keep looking up."

I Saw Jesus

2005-11-22T11:30:00.000-06:00

My friend Ingrid shared this with me today... I thought it was pretty cool so, I posted it here.

I Saw Jesus

I saw Jesus last week.
He was wearing blue jeans and an old shirt.
He was up at the church building.
He was alone and working hard.
For just a minuteHe looked a little like one of our members,
But it was Jesus,
I could tell by his smile.

I saw Jesus last Sabbath.
He was teaching a Bible class.
He didn't talk real loud or use long words,
But you could tell he believed what he said.
For just a minute
He looked like my Sabbath School teacher,
But it was Jesus,
I could tell by his loving voice.

I saw Jesus yesterday.
He was at the hospital visiting
A friend who was sick.
They prayed together quietly.
For just a minute
He looked like my preacher,
But it was Jesus,
I could tell by the tears in his eyes.

I saw Jesus the other day,
He was bringing a covered dish over to me
Because I had been sick.
Just for a minute
I thought it was my sweet neighbors
Gentle hands stroking my shoulder,
But it was Jesus,
I could feel Him in my soul.

I saw Jesus this morning.
He was in my kitchen making my breakfast
And fixing me a special lunch.
For just a minute
He looked like my Mom,
But it was Jesus,
I could feel the love from His heart.

I see Jesus everywhere,
Taking food to the sick,
Being friendly to a newcomer,
And for just a minute
I think he's someone I know,
But it's always Jesus,
I can tell by the way He serves.

In Newdow We Trust

2005-11-14T20:47:00.000-06:00

In Newdow We Trust?
California's atheist avenger, Michael Newdow, is at it again. He has announced plans to sue the U.S. Treasury Department. This time his target is right there--on the money. Newdow, whose suit against "Under God" in the Pledge of Allegiance made it all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court, is suing this time to get rid of "In God We Trust." "It's not the history that counts," says Newdow. "It's not the patriotism," he continues, "What it is is these people want to get their religious views in the government." These people, my friends, are you and me and the vast majority of our fellow Americans.
*Taken from the Family Research Council at www.frc.org

Welcome Home

2005-11-11T12:49:00.000-06:00

My daughter posted this on her blog
I thought it was pretty neat so I wanted to share it here:

Welcome Home
words and music by Shaun Groves

Take me, make me
All You want me to be
That's all I'm asking, all I'm asking

Welcome to this heart of mine
I've buried under prideful vines
Grown to hide the mess I've made
Inside of me, come decorate, Lord

Open up the creaking door
And walk upon the dusty floor
Scrape away the guilty stains
Until no sin or shame remain

Spread Your love upon the walls
And occupy the empty halls
Until the man I am has faded
No more doors are barricaded

Chorus

Come inside this
Heart of mine its
Not my own
Make it home
Come and take this
Heart and make it
All your own
Welcome home

Take a seat, pull up a chair
Forgive me for the disrepair
and the souvenirs from floor to ceiling
Gathered on my search for meaning

Every closet's filled with clutter
Messes yet to be discovered
I'm overwhelemed, I understand
I can't make this place all that You Can

Chorus

I took the space that You placed in me
Redecorated in shades of greed
And I made sure every door stayed locked
Every window blocked, and still You knocked

Chorus

Take me, make me
All You want me to be
Thats all I'm aksing, all I'm aksing

Psalm 68:19

2005-11-09T15:01:00.000-06:00

Psalm 68:19: “Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens.” I don’t know the burdens that each of you carry in your personal lives today, but the Lord does. He is El Roi, the God who sees and knows and cares. May you experience the lightness of heart that comes from giving all your burdens to the Lord today and resting completely in Him.

“Let this be understood above all: the power of prayer is not in us, that we speak. It is in God that he listens!” – Walter Wangerin, Jr., Whole Prayer

Intrigue

2005-11-03T15:02:00.000-06:00

I find it intriguing that we Christians are the best at shooting ourselves in the foot.